Regardless of where you live, you hear those quirky sayings that poke fun at your hometown. What makes them funny is that most of the time they are true, or partially true. So, here's a list of some funny quips based on growing up in Abilene and West Texas from the Abilene High School email list of about 12 years ago.
You Know You're From Abilene If:
Your matinee idols included Crusader Rabbit.
You've waited in a mile and a half long line of cars, just to buy a case of beer from Pinkie's in Impact.
"Meeting a celebrity" means standing in line at Lavender's Cafeteria next to the local TV weatherman.
Your town's Parade marshals have included Slim Willet or Dub Bolis.
Blue Sox were to be seen, not worn.
The term "Paradox" is used in conjunction with your town's name.
Charlie the Chimp was your town's original standup comedian.
Academic "Overachievers" go to A&M, Tech or UT and the rest have to choose between Hardened-Sinners (H-SU), Campbellite Hill (ACC) or Poor ol' Kaw-liga (McMurry).
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Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a camper on the Winters Freeway.
"Vacation" means driving to Dallas.
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
Your work or classes are canceled because of snow and then miss the next day because it reaches 90 degrees.
You think of the major food groups as Taco Bueno, Beer, and Cigarettes
When it rains it's the talk of the town for days.
When it snows, it's the talk of the town for weeks.
During the summer, your car trunk doubles as an oven for your groceries.
You measure distance in hours.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for high school football.
You've had to switch from Heat to A/C in the same day.
You think that opening weekend for dove and deer season are national holidays.
You find 98 degrees "a little warm" and 60 degrees downright freezing.
You think the only seasons are hot, damn hot, and winter.
Your know if another person is from out of town the second he or she walks in the door.
You have friends that live near pump-jacks.
The RODEO is the major event for the whole year.
The town mascot is the B-1 Bomber.
Honeymoon involves a trip to "San Antonio"
I just got this from an Abilene ex and we both agreed you just have to be from Abilene to appreciate the humor. NO OFFENSE INTENDED!!
Dale Thorp
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You've had several friends move off and move back within a couple of months. (The black hole.)
You're thankful for a rain shower cause it cleaned all the dust and bird poop off the pick-up truck.
You're at a stop light and you know the people in the car next to you and the church they go to.
Not a week goes by that someone doesn't ask you “Where do y’all go to church?”.
You go to the Abilene vs. Cooper game & it doesn't matter which side you sit on cause you went to one and your wife went to another.
You have friends that are putting on their own fireworks at their house and you contribute to the fireworks.
You've driven down the Winters freeway doing 90 with you flashers going cause you're going to a grass fire.
The 5 o'clock rush hour lasts 15 minutes.
You have a cookout three times a week.
You look up to the shy and nine times out of ten see a B-52 or B-1 Bomber from Dyess overhead.
Your first car date is to go see the Anson Lights.
You wear a sweater in the morning and a swimsuit in the afternoon.
You walk outside, can't see as far as your neighbor's house and taste dirt.
There’s a church or a convenience store on every corner of town.
It rains all around you but not on you.
You do outside activities in winter months and stay indoors in summer months.
Your date asks if you've ever been cow tipppin’.
You're afraid to drive after a good rain because of the street flooding.
You think Ranch is its own food group.
You refer to the airplanes at Abilene Regional Airport as “puddle jumpers”.
You think the only seasons are hot, damn hot, and winter.
You have to stop for the train at least 3 times in one day.
You know the whole town shuts down for the Abilene High and Cooper Crosstown Showdown and you either go to the game, or you throw a huge party because you know most of the cops are working the game.
The doctor prescribes you allergy medication, regardless of your symptoms.
You know what the “holy dome” is.
You use more than one church as points of reference when giving someone directions.
You save up all year just so you can drop your kids off at the West Texas Fair so you can go to out drinking.
You got into a fight over the Crosstown Showdown.
You consider 60 mph winds a “slightly breezy day”.
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You Know Your From Abilene if you still think the "Twin Towers" are the silos at Lake Ft. Phantom.
Dusty Henson
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You Know You're From Abilene ------
You can remember Larry Fitgerald and Dub Bolis pantomiming "Dear John."
the biggest entertainment was Gus Mitchell, Carrol Savage and ? pantomiming "She's So Tough" in assembly.
Stan Gray
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You're from Abilene if you ever Listened to "Big John and Sparky" Saturday mornings on KWKC.
Joyce Johnson
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If you have an occasional craving for a warm beer and that reminds you of Abilene.
Michael Grant
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If you remember Ray Finfer getting called into the principal's office for writing a column in the BATTERY about the meaning of Hanukkah and being told we did not need that Jew crap in the paper. Actually I wrote it mainly for the other five Jews at AHS--talk about a minority.
Ray Finfer
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Truth is often funnier than fiction.
It was in Miss Johnson's Biology Class (I think). She was explaining human anatomy and explained that the human heart was not on the left side of the body like most people thought, but was in the center of the chest. Miss Johnson noticed someone in the back of the class sleeping (this individual shall remain nameless). She asked "Nameless, which side is
your heart on?" Nameless snapped his head up from his sleepy stupor and said "I don't have a hard on." I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, Miss Johnson or Nameless. I know you would have to be from Abilene to remember that incident.
Ragsdale, Michael L
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or how about Miss Butler's English class when she refused to read a sentence in the text that said something to the effect that Sally helped little Johnny
with his rubbers(shoes).
Gray, Stan
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You Know You're From Abilene
Cobb Park, gigging for crawdads in Catclaw Creek with Snookie (Carl Young) Fair Park, city tournaments and midnight swings.
Marian Waldrip
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Addition by Jim Mc Donald to " You Know You're From Abilene ------
Never associating Presley Guitar's name with Elvis, because we grew up knowing him, until some outsider, said you're kidding, no one has a name like that.
The Guitar family were originally french, before they found the way to Abilene and got anglicized. Not so sure about the origin of the name of the instrument that Elvis and John strummed on.
Re: Another addition by Stan Gray to " You Know You're From Abilene ------
Taking girls to the old Guitar Mansion on N 1st and Beech and scaring the hell out of them............
Unlike Stan, I didn't take girls to the Guitar Mansion with scaring them in mind - the Mansion was my highest ratio of success location.
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If you lived on the South side of town you went to the Metro on Sat. afternoon.
At least until you were old enough to go to the drive in!
Pat Bradshaw Evans
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more trivia questions anyone remember the starlite (starlight?) sisters? their names? they sang with slim and one of them was married to a band member. remember his name and what he played?
bill hunt
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The facts on "Slim"
Well, only in Abilene would the 1st cousin of James Wood, the steel guitarist with
Slim, whose was married to one of the Starlight Sisters (Tennie Harper) whose sister
was the other Starlight singer Ann Harper, works across the hall from me. He heard
the e-mail playing and couldn't believe his ears. His aunt was the pianist, Vivian
Donnelly, Shorty Underwood was the fiddler. Every musician was offered 5.00 each for
their recording or 5% royalty- each took the $5.00. They had no idea Perry Como
would pick it up and sell 13 million copies. Georgia Underwood, Shorties wife was a
guitarist also. Ken in our office was at the recording at KWKC and was 5 years old.
He thinks James Wood is road mgr for Red Steigel now. Such Memories,
gena
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How about the Slim Willet (Don't Let The Stars Get In Your Eyes) show featuring Dean Beard and Little -- (Can't remember the whole name).
Gray, Stan
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that was "Little Dee-Don" on Slim Willet -- it's scary that I know that!
Pat Wright Evans
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does anyone remember the borden brown milk bottles with milk delivered to the door? name the two milk companies prior to foremost and borden's.
bill hunt
.
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Re: Krieger's Dance Class
Yes, I was in that dance class, but I think there were a whole lot more of us who were. As I recall, by the end of an evening of dance class, the air would be very close and the Thornton's living and dining room would be full of amateur Astaires. Does anyone else remember the 'Cha-Cha' lessons at the Abilene Country Club? BTW, I think there were separate classes depending on which junior high one went to one for South, one for North, and one for Lincoln.
Sue Dyrenforth
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When the game at Abilene State Park was how many seconds could you stay in the pool without turning blue When you caught greased pigs at the rodeo and "rode the barrels." When a trip to the gravel pits was more than just going for a swim. When a fight with Billy Monk actually drew a crowd!
Dale Thorp
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Esco Webb may have been the catalyst that started "political correctness." A very warm memory from graduation at Public Schools Stadium: those impish, courageous few (who must remain nameless) who accepted their diplomas with their right hands and extended their left hands for the handshake with Esco; he knew something was amiss but he just wasn't sure what the problem was.
And You Know You're From Abilene if you think it's "neat" when the exchange students from Cheltenham, Pennsylvania put vinegar on top of their fries and ketchup.
Carl Jones
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